Tuesday, April 22, 2014

this is my new project:


i had 2.5 last tuesday.  8 on wednesday. and then i forgot about them.  i got back on the wagon today and had a whopping 10 tonight.  with hummus of course.  i almost gagged on the last one, so maybe i will stay at 10 for a while.

they are hard to get through and i am slowly making progress.  i don't really picture myself ever enjoying a carrot at this point - they are just so gross- but i have surprised myself in the past so i guess i will keep at it. 

Monday, April 21, 2014

marathon monday

after a lovely easter in baltimore, we arrived back in boston this morning at about 8:00.  the boston marathon was going on and i just had to be there.  even for just a short time, i wanted to be with the city.  thinking back to last year brings all sort of emotions up.  i still have a voicemail saved from sammy asking me if i was safe. i tried to talk myself out of it... since we were up early for our flight, i had to work until 8:30 pm, and jeremy didn't want to join the crowds of spectators.  however, as soon as we landed in the city, i knew i had to go.

so i did.

jeremy dropped me off at the t a few hours before work so i could check out the marathon without having to worry about a place to park the car and then i would take the t all the way to work (south of the city).  i walked around the complicated barriers, made it through the multiple security checkpoints (new this year), landed at the finish line, and took it all in.

it was such a beautiful sight.  we cheered on the incoming runners for their amazing physical feats.  we applauded our police force for securing our safety and the volunteers for making it all possible.  each time the crowd cheered, i had to blink back the tears that came to my eyes.  we can heal.  there is good in the world.  light conquers darkness.  everytime.

i love this town through and through. 

Sunday, April 20, 2014

He is Risen!

Happy Easter, Friends!

blossoms outside the church building

I know Jesus is the Son of God.  I know He died for me.  I know that through His Atonement I can be forgiven of the mistakes I have made (and will certainly continue to make throughout my life).  I know that the Atonement can heal my sorrowful heart and ease my pains.  I know my Savior was resurrected and that He lives.  I know He conquered death so that I can return to live with God.  I know that Christ loves me and cares for me.  I know that He loves and cares for you too. 

One of the speakers at church closed his talk with this poem he wrote the night before.  He kindly emailed it to me:

Thy Will O Lord
By David J. Staples

'Tis now ev'n
With friends I wander
Heavy heart to garden yonder
Tarry here and watch with me
Alone I go, with God I plea
Father, free me from this burden
Yet thy will, O Lord be done
Crimson drops seep from my pours
Through pain the sinner's soul is won
A kiss, a blade, a healing hand
Before these wicked men I stan
Blindfolded, beaten, mocked and scorned
With scourge's sting my flesh is torn
A crown of thorns upon my brow
In mockery the soldiers bow
A cross I bare to Calvary's hill
I know this is my Father's will
Nails pierce my hands and feet
In shame the light of day retreats
At last I know my work is through
Father, I come home to you
Behold, my work is not quite done
To break the bands of death I come
Body, spirit reunite
I command thee death to take thy flight

Saturday, April 19, 2014

playing in b-more

we are in baltimore for the weekend, visiting jeremy's parents for easter.  jeremy's been here playing (mostly fishing), since wednesday and i got here late last night.  work totally gets in the way of my fun.  it's nice to get away, even for a short while.

today was great.  here was our agenda:

we slept in.
 we ate GF pancakes, eggs, and fresh fruit for breakfast.
we biked to pennsylvania (it was only 15 miles both ways).

we passed the spot where jeremy proposed in july of 2008.  we had to stop and take a picture.
we had a picnic lunch in the appropriately-named town of new freedom, pennsylvania, the town just north of the mason dixon line.
jeremy ran into some rocks as we fake-kicked each others bikes (he wasn't injured).
we rode back to maryland.  it was downhill most of the way and quite lovely.
we sat outside to soak up the sun while the boys washed the car.
i tried a baked sweet potato for the first time and it was delicious!
i also had some broccoli and it is becoming more tolerable.
we dyed eggs.
and we played games.

it was such a lovely, relaxing day.  we thought about going to washington dc for the day, but this was much calmer and so fun.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

lunar eclipse: FAIL

the blood moon.

i wanted to see it but decided that sleep took precedent, so i planned on missing out.  i guess i really wanted to see it because i didn't set an alarm and i subconsciously woke up for it anyway.  true story.  i woke up at 3:30 this morning and decided i had to check it out.

i rolled out of bed and let jeremy know i was going outside to see the blood moon.  he responded with a groggy, "whaaaaat?" and i assured him i would be right back after i saw the moon.  so i ran up the stairs to the parking garage and what did i find?  


lots and lots of clouds.  so i went down stairs to see if it was closer to the horizon and maybe a building was blocking my view.  and no dice.  just lots of clouds (not even any other people trying to see the lunar eclipse). the clouds definitely had a reddish hue to them, so i had to take what i could get and i ran back up the stairs to go to bed. plus it was super windy and a tad chilly.

after all that running around and i didn't even get to see it.  i guess i will have to take my chances in october (the next blood moon is scheduled to take place on october 8th).  we will have to see if the clouds cooperate for me then.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

how we weekend

yesterday was dreamy.  

we slept in.
we bought delicious food (translation: we went grocery shopping).
we played tennis for two hours in the glorious sun.

we watched some office episodes while chowing down our lunch.
we wandered a book store and bought flowers (just because).

we made gf pizza (and it was soooo good).
and we bonfired it up with s'mores and good friends.
sidenote: gf grahams are just not the same

it was all around lovely and i have a feeling future saturdays are going to be just as wonderful (jeremy doesn't have to study for tests anymore, just boards.  he will focus on clinical work from here on out). this gorgeous weather is so refreshing. 

Thursday, April 10, 2014

to my brothers:

it's national sibling day!
so hooray for siblings, especially cool ones like YOU!

Christmas circa 1994: i am 6, riley is 2, sam is 4
you are my first friends and best buds.  i'm so grateful i got to grow up with you two goofs. we sure have a good time.  you two have always been there for me. thank you for the advice, the support, and the laughs. i can't wait for the fun adventures ahead.  i love you.  i miss you.

xoxo - you're favorite sister

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

a dirty oven door

and warm GF chocolate cookies long after the sun sets makes for a great night.

they taste just like brownies.  and if you eat them while they are warm they have that fudgy consistency to match. find the recipe here. it's a keeper!!

Sunday, April 6, 2014

the treats continue

today in between conference sessions we went on a little walk outside.  it's in the 50s today with sunshine out the wazoo!  there is hope; spring is here! so naturally we had to get out there.  i rolled around on my long board while jeremy chatted with some friends.  my skills are a little rusty which is expected since i haven't been on it for a good six months, but its starting to coming back.

we also made some crepes!

which were of course gluten-free and delicious.  my favorite combo is pictured above: nutella, chunky peanut butter, bananas, and strawberries.  i like to pack them full!!  which makes it a little difficult to wrap up, but i can deal.

it was our first time making them and the recipe was super easy! the first couple were pretty sad looking, but we improved immensely each time.  so really, if i can do it, you can do it. 

just whisk together:

1 egg
2/3 cup milk
1/3 cup cornstarch
2 teaspoons melted butter
pinch of salt

 and bingo! you have batter for 10(-ish) gluten free crepes.

i think these will become a conference tradition... because why not??  i love traditions.  well, enjoy the last session of conference! it's such a wonderful weekend!

Saturday, April 5, 2014


conference weekend calls for treats!  

we need something to help us stay awake and alert through the 8 wonderful hours of counsel from those called of God.  so there will be lots of treats this weekend.

 first up, these caramel chocolate drizzles:

 they are gluten free and delicious.  i got the recipe right off of the corn chex box.  you can find it here.

i love conference weekend! listen in. get your questions answered. feel God's love. make a change for the better.  3 sessions left!

Monday, March 31, 2014


week 6 gluten free

What have I learned these past 6 weeks?

I have learned that this is hard.  I have gotten glutened (meaning I accidentally ate gluten) almost every weekend since my diagnosis.  Gluten is hiding everywhere.  Sometimes I think this is easy, no big deal.  Other times I think, this is really hard, how am I going to survive?  There is still a lot for me to learn, but here are some of my thoughts about this journey. 

Eating out is really hard.  I ordered a "gluten-free" dish the other night and low and behold it had 2 glutenous items screaming at me.  Another time I ordered a gluten free bun and my burger came out with a regular bun.  Even when I order gluten free stuff, I just have to hope it doesn't get cross-contaminated.  One time I got gluten free bread for a sandwich but they didn't change their gloves or use a different cutting board. And... I got sick. I don't want to be high maintenance and send my food back and at the same time I don't want to eat something if I know it will make me sick.  It's hard to figure out if the restaurant really gets it. Have they checked all their ingredients for gluten or have they just eliminated the bread items and think it's good to go?  I am trying to make a list of gluten-free-friendly places (after 6 weeks I have three) because they can be hard to find, harder than I thought. Eating out is definitely not as much fun as it used to be. 

I'm learning that free food is also not as fun as it used to be.  I used to live for that stuff.  Cookies, pizza, donuts just showing up at work or church functions was the best. Now I'm starting to understand that free food usually contains gluten. I used to scoff at the fruit and veggie platters at parties. We all know we come for the baked goodies. Now I am always looking for the fruit.  It's safe.

I am figuring out what works, trying not to eat the same thing everyday, and trying to keep my grocery bill under control.  At least we will be eating out less.  Any tips are certainly welcome!

Thursday, March 27, 2014


i have had broccoli two nights in a row now.


even i am surprised. i had to force myself to eat it to earn points for a family competition and we were all out of green beans and spinach (for my spinach smoothies).  if i cover the broccoli in butter, salt, pepper, and shredded cheese and eat it with a bite of potato i can actually manage to get it down.  the first time was rough.  i almost gagged and i was making really interesting faces. it gets a little easier each time though. slow and steady i say.  maybe there really is hope for me.

what veggie should i work on next?

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

birthday girl!


you're a rockstar! and the best mom ever.
have a fun day.  i  love you!

Sunday, March 23, 2014

ripe bananas?

hey, us too!

so we made some banana bread even i could eat. 

and turns out
it's delicious!

gluten free baking can be a doozy and we certainly lucked out with finding the perfect recipe.  it's definitely a keeper.  bring on the ripe bananas.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

I am

Round 2

I am learning what works.
I wonder if I will ever get there.
I hear whispers of uncertainty.
I see dreams coming true.
I want to fight for change.
I am learning what works.

I pretend to have it figured out.
I feel I'm getting closer.
I touch the walls to break them down.
I worry I'm not doing enough.
I cry for those that suffer.
I am learning what works.

I understand nothing is perfect.
I say perfection is not beauty.
I dream of a peaceful world.
I try to love everyone.
I hope for healing.  I pray for healing.
I am learning what works.

We wrote these poems in my group yesterday.  I wrote mine from my perspective as a clinician with my patients in mind and my struggle to help them break free from their Eating Disorders.