one liners

jeremy has a late night studying so i'm just watching my favorite movie (it's been my favorite for YEARS!) and writing down all the things that make me laugh.  yeah.. i know, pretty exciting.

what's up doc? 
 

yes eunice. yes eunice.  yes eunice.
i know how you feel mister, i hate it when my igneous rocks are even touched.
your bell is flat, half a tone off.
oh c'mon steve, buy her the radio.  it's on sale.
my name is not steve.
eunice? there's a person named eunice?
don't you know the meaning of propriety?
who's there? it's me howard bannister, your fiancee.
i don't think of you as a woman eunice.  i think of you as... eunice.
anyone named Howard.
you're upside down, sir.
i'm a lucky dog.
back where we come from everyone calls me burnsey.
but really, music from rocks!
what do you mean you can't find me, i'm right here.
roger.  fritz!
that's the good stuff that's coming!
meet me under the table.
just testing a theory howard has on vocal reverberation under spinal pressure.
charles, what kind of wine are you serving at table 1.
who is that dangerously unbalanced woman?
what's the matter steve?  my name is not steve.
you don't wanna marry someone who's gonna get all wrinkled, lined and flabby!
i have decided that judy and i are going to put you into a home.
i know i'm different, but from now on i'm going to try to be the same.
i think i'm taking a bath, aren't i?
you are the plague, you bring chaos and havoc to everyone.
because you look cute in your pajamas steve.
i have ledge-o-phobia. 
don't count eunice, i hate it when you count.
it came out of the faucet that way, eunice.
why are your rocks in the bathroom?
too much fresh air, dear.  very harmful.
good morning.  no i don't think so.
my fiancee miss sleep is still burning, miss burns is still sleeping.
what on earth are you doing with howard bannister's rocks?
i don't know who he is, but she is definitely not herself!
don't shoot, i'm part italian.
don't kick those rocks you philistine.
don't you dare scream at that brave, unbalanced woman.
c'mon steve you can do it.  my name is howard.
there's not much to see actually, we're inside a chinese dragon. 
this is a terrible thing we're doing.  nonsense, you're gonna love it.
we're only going one way.
look out!  i am looking out.
i don't think we can make it.
that's just the spectators, your honor.
is your honor feeling alright?  no my honor is not feeling alright.
i'd like to send everyone of them to an island somewhere wrapped in heavy chains.
what's the blue one for, judge? i don't know. they're afraid to tell me.
you made me smash my lifesavers!
they tried to molest me.  that's... unbelievable.
watch him like a hawk.
tell them to bring straight jackets. in assorted sizes.
i'm seriously considering setting up a torture chamber.
you have a wife and a fiancee?
let's just skip over this part and move on.
so eunice was there?  no sir, burnsey was there, or rather the one that isn't burnsey.
i think i want to skip over this part, too.
is that clear?  no, but it's consistent.
i intend to get to the bottom of this web of deceit and confusion if it takes me the rest of my life! which may end at any minute.
hello daddy.
i wish you wouldn't tell me about it. you have this way of making everything sound reasonable.
oh goodness me, a chinese dragon.
you're nasty, i don't like you, and i want you to go away.
in separate quarters of course.
bannister, as in "sliding down the-"
listen kiddo, you can't fight a tidal wave.

oh what a great show.  a great show indeed. these are probably only remotely funny to those who have seen the movie... soooo all the more reason for you to see it.  you must!