in the city

today was a gorgeous day.  my face is even a little pink from the sun.  in between our classes my friends and i gathered for lunch out on the lawn at school to discuss monday's events.  we talked about where we were, how we found out, who we knew that was directly affected, how awesome boston is with our kick butt hospitals and first responders, the miracles, etc.  after a while, we had to talk about something else.  throughout the day, i noticed that everyone hesitated when answering the question that automatically comes out when you see a friend, "how are you?"  we all know. we are not fine. it was often followed with a more earnest and sincere, "how are you doing?" then we would be together in a moment of heart ache, sharing what words of comfort we had to offer one another.

i decided to ditch the subways on the way home from school and walk the three miles through the city to the bus station.  monday i had to get out of the city, the fear was overwhelming. today was different.  feelings of community and solidarity begged me to stay a little longer, to break from my normal routine.  this was my home.  these were my people.  i tried to prepare myself for the aftermath of the explosions that i would encounter en route, but it was still jarring.  jarring when i saw the first person decked out in tactical gear or when i saw the military hummers lining the streets or when i saw the rows and rows of news reporters with their cameras and bright lights.  police, military, and SWAT teams were everywhere, streets were blockaded.  i'm still not sure if i felt more protected or more vulnerable by their presence.  it was unsettling and a constant reminder that all was not well. i decided to stop by the makeshift memorial that has appeared on boylston, it was only a block from my route.  i found a small crowd of people gathered.  some solemnly standing, some placing flowers or taping signs up, some taking pictures.  all of which was mostly done in silence.  we all knew, this was a sacred place. 

five things

I was tagged via instagram (@kjclover09) and figured I might as well share here, too. Plus I have pretty much done homework all day and I need a break.  The game calls for a self-portrait (it's called a "selfie" these days... news to me)  and five facts about me. 
Here we go!

Just sleeping in on a lovely friday morning. I love my schedule this semester - every Friday off! I'm not sure I want to join the working world come May.

1 - I'm not afraid of strangers. 

I see people as people.  I guess what I mean is that my heart hurts for strangers almost all of the time.  People I should maybe be more cautious around I find myself wanting to chat with them and see if they are ok.  I probably should try to be more afraid of them because I have come across some creepers with my relentless smile and "have a good one!" action on the T.

2 - I eat dessert everyday.

I used to only eat dessert on the weekends and then I would eat dessert the whole weekend long.  Now I work with adults with eating disorders and I have learned so many things.  Deprivation causes binges ergo eat dessert everyday if you want to keep your portions in check.  If I have three Oreos after every meal, there is never the need to eat a whole sleeve.  Plus I eat delicious things everyday!  I like it.  It's just a more fun way to live. :)

3 - I hope to be more artful.

Since I was little I always loved art.  I used to take art classes during the summers, but somewhere along the way, I lost it.  My confidence.  Now I don't sketch or paint because I am too afraid that I will fail.  Too afraid that I won't like the end result.  Too afraid that I am not good at being creative in such a free way.  I intend to get brave and stop with the judgments... sometime soon.  I plan to take an art class after I graduate and I can't wait!

4 - I rarely wear make-up.

Make-up looks fun, but while I am hair impaired, I think I am make-up impaired, too.  I have never even attempted a smokey eye.  I would probably look crazy anyways.  People are used to my plain old face, but if I start wearing make-up every day then I am trapped.  I don't want to ever feel like I have to apologize for arriving somewhere sans make-up on my face.  Apologize for MY FACE! That's crazy! Plus I would have to get up earlier to get ready and then there would be one more step before I can jump into bed at night.  It's just not worth it to me.  About once every couple of months I will put on tinted moisturizer, blush, and mascara and that's about as crazy as it gets over here.

5 - The unknown excites me.

I love the unknown.  Like right now, while I am in this state of not knowing what my life will look like after May... I love it.  The future holds endless possibilities for me right now.  Will I work... in a school?  a prison?  a hospital?  a hospice?  Will I work with... eating disorders?  substance abuse?  depression?  grief and bereavement?  trauma?  I just don't know and it makes it so fun.  I soon as I get nailed down to something, the possibilities for my future are suddenly limited.  And not always in a bad way... but limited nonetheless. 

and there we have it.  feel free to play along in the comments or on your own blog!

big day

today was the first day of my last semester.

 can we just take a moment to ponder this craziness? when i graduated from BYU i knew two years were still to come.  but this is the actual last semester of my college career.  weird.  super weird.  i'm not sure what i am going to do with myself.  but i can worry plenty about that later, because for now, i have lots to do.  last week i was in a "i don't care if i fail my classes i just want to be done" mode and that's a dangerous one to be in.  luckily this week i am in a "let's do this" mode.  i am excited for my classes and on top of my readings like no other.  yay for first days!

as you can tell from the picture we also experienced the first snow storm of 2013.

we know what that means... i need a hugmug full of hot chocolate this weekend! 

 max brenner here we come!!